Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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