This girl is more easily done than said...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
