Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
