Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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