You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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