Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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