I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
