I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
is wine microwaveable?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
