Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
