I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think I won the penis lottery.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
lol hangovers are for mortals.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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