Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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