I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
