There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
