I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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