At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
