I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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