my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Randomize
