he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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