How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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