Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
