He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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