Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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