im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
