It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
