I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
