Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
