I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
