Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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