I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
