hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
