the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
