i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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