You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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