This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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