Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
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This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
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I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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