it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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