Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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