My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
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I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
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Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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