Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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