The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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