I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
