Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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