I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
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just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
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She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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