just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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