I hate your face
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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