You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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