I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
