Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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