just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
