so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
