Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
