So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
