so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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