i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
