Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
