i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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