I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
