Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
