Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize