I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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