My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
