Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
