I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
