Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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